TV: American Horror Story 1.4

Three scary TV shows are premiering this month: Bedlam (Saturdays on BBC America starting 10/1), American Horror Story (Wednesdays on FX starting 10/5) and season two of The Walking Dead (Sundays on AMC starting 10/16). Every week I’ll post recaps shortly after each new episode airs. They’ll be a little different than my movie posts. I’m assuming anyone who’s reading the recap has already seen the episode or isn’t planning to watch. That is to say, *SPOILERS AHEAD.*

So, who’s gonna die this week? The caption says 2010 and that can mean only one thing: the gays! It’s Zachary Quinto as Chad and some buff dude who vaguely resembles Eric Northman. Their relationship is on the rocks because musclehead Patrick is banging his “twink trainer” at the gym and Chad is obsessed with selling the house via some convoluted scheme involving the perfect Halloween party and Marie Antoinette. They touch on pretty much every gay stereotype you can imagine before the rubber man shows up and kills them both. Yowch!

Gay men and their twinks. Sigh.

Back to the now and Marcy is still the worst real estate broker in the world. She says the house has an image problem that can be fixed by hiring “fluffers”, i.e. specialists in tricking out a house to attract buyers and not, much to my surprise, people who blow porn stars between takes. That joke gets old by episode’s end. I still say Marcy needs to look at magicians and horror aficionados and Billy Bob Thornton before trying to lure in happy families.

Over at Connie’s place, beefcake man whore Travis is reading to Addy about the festival of Samhain, from which Halloween is derived. To my great delight he pronounces it correctly (SOW-on) unlike a certain HBO vampire show that will remain nameless – cough – TRUE BLOOD – coughcough.

Let's flip a coin: heads I'm charming, tails I'm abusive.

Out of nowhere Connie turns into mean mom again and bizarrely yells at Addy for trying to steal her man. For a second I thought maybe Addy was like Moira but that’s definitely not the case. Either way, Connie’s last boyfriend apparently molested Addy, which is fucking awful. Though Addy later brags about not being a virgin so I’m not sure if I should be horrified or happy for her. I’m leaning toward horrified.

Surprising no one, in the reality of the show Halloween is a time when the dead can walk freely. For Moira and Taint that means…field trip! Moira goes to pull the plug on her elderly mother’s life support (actually a fairly touching scene), while Taint agrees to meet Ben for coffee out of the house since Ben won’t treat him in the house (a fairly ridiculous scene). Ben bursts into tears. Taint comforts him. I cock my head like a puppy on mushrooms.

Ben’s understandably worked up. The burned guy is seriously stalking him about that thousand bucks, to which I say, pay the man! They exchange threats of revealing murder and lovechild, respectively, and everybody leaves unhappy. Looks like that’s all taken care of.

Los fluffadors arrive but either Marcy is in on the ghost thing or these two have great timing because it’s the two dead guys from the opening. Even in death they can’t stop bickering over the best color apples to use in a bobbing station. Bobbing station? I would have killed them, too.

We never go out anymore.

Taint and Vi meet up in the basement, which isn’t weird at all, and make out a little. Vi isn’t remotely turned off by Taint showing up wearing the rubber suit. Nor does she find it odd that he carries a Ouija board around with him. He tells her about the Frakenbortionist from the ’20s, whose baby we learn was stolen and returned in pieces by the angry boyfriend of one of his patients. The ending that Viv never found out about: Dr. Feelgood stitched the baby back together using dog parts to fill in the gaps. Can’t wait to see that thing scampering around the house.

You know, like the Lindbergh baby.

Connie decides to be nice to Addy again, buying her a mask to she can be a “pretty girl” for Halloween instead of Snoopy. Do they even make masks that are nothing but a regular looking girl? Whatever. Doting parent that she is, Connie can’t resist adding, “Let’s see if mama’s got any clothes that fit you. Maybe one of my old maternity dresses.”

At Chad’s suggestion, Viv checks Ben’s phone bill and finds more than twenty calls to dead jump-off Hayden. I get super pissed when she seems to be buying his alibi, but there’s a fun twist: she called Hayden. Even though Ben is justifiably certain Hayden won’t call back, she does. So glad we’re not done with her. I approve of anything that ups the already astronomical number of insane, undead gingers running around this place.

Ugh, if it weren't for this rubber baby I'd be so outta here.

The fluffers go apeshit over Ben and Viv’s tacky costumes so Viv throws them out, shortly before telling Ben he has to leave as well. Good for you, sister! Unfortunately the house and the show’s creators don’t want Ben gone just yet. Rubber baby starts kicking like mad, which is unusual only eight weeks into a pregnancy. To the hospital!

Your accusations are like a stake through my heart.

When they get there an overworked MD assures them it’s just gas as she begins the ultrasound. She notes the baby seems too big for being so young, right before she gets a clear picture on the monitor and faints from the shock. This show hasn’t necessarily been terrifying in most regards but for any parents watching, that moment should pretty squarely strike a fucking chord.

Addy stops by the house to show Vi her costume but Vi doesn’t answer the door. Addy follows a couple of mean high school skanks across the street and WHAM! A speeding car fucking destroys her, dropping my jaw to the floor. I assumed maybe she’s already a ghost and this won’t bother her, or that she’ll just become another haunter, but then Connie arrives and starts screaming bloody murder. She tries to drag her daughter back to the lawn of the Harmons’ house, which she says she has to do before Addy dies. It’s hard to be certain but I don’t think she made it in time, given Connie’s subsequent wailing. This is really sad and even though Addy’s loveable simpleton routine was a bit much at times, she was pretty much the only positive character and I will miss her if she’s really gone.

Yeah, we got that new security system and all but I prefer to live dangerously.

After that, the doorbell to the Harmon house rings again. This time it’s the burned man making a ruckus. Vi wisely doesn’t let him in, but maybe she should have because right behind her is the rubber man. Something tells me this time it’s not Taint. When Ben and Viv return from the hospital, the door is open and Violet is gonesville. The last shot is yet another disturbing trick-or-treater: a dirty, wild-eyed Hayden with the beginnings of a wicked smile playing across her bloodied lips.

I absolutely love that they’re starting to give us some concrete rules for the way the hauntings work. It seems there’s enough depth to the backstory that they can afford to explain certain elements and still have plenty left in the tank.

I’ve been enjoying this show pretty consistently, even if it requires a pretty substantial suspension of disbelief at times. But this episode was the first one to actually shock me and the first time I came away truly excited to find out what happens next week.

Which brings me to my final point. I have DirecTV, which boasts shitty video quality (at least in New York) and goes out every time it’s cloudy. I switched from cable so I could watch Steelers games, but that’s the only reason I stay. Now I learn DirecTV is planning to ditch a slew of Fox cable networks as of November 1st. Most of them I can live without. FX, I cannot. If you have DirecTV, you should check out keepmynets.com to see what’s going on.

I don’t care how much Fox wants, pay them. FX is an amazing channel with some of the best programming on television. There are still nine episodes of American Horror Story left, not to mention new episodes of Sons of Anarchy, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and The League. I, for one, will be fucking furious if I have to wait for DVD to see them.

3 Responses to “TV: American Horror Story 1.4”

  1. Wow, this is a fantastic synopsis; it must have taken you a long time to get so much detail. I think the show is genius so far because it leaves just enough mystery to keep you watching the next episode while revealing enough that you don’t get bored. With Halloween coming around the corner this was the perfect time to release this show however it’s a terrible time to get people hooked that are DirecTV customers only for them to rip it from their living rooms. I wouldn’t stand for that and even though I have a DISH Network employee account with a FOX agreement for years to come I would switch now before you miss any episodes.

  2. I believe I’ve just been shilled. Um…thanks for commenting!

  3. […] TV: American Horror Story 1.4 – Things you do not want your doctor to say: “Let’s talk a look at this ultrasound and- DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT?” […]

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