There’s a Harvest Moon on the Rise….

Welcome back to fall, minions!

October begins in less than four hours and I’m having a hard time containing my excitement. In the span of a week the weather has gone from Jurassic humidity to temperatures in which I can safely wear jeans without producing three gallons of rank ball sweat. Coincidentally, the fall harvest moon is in the sky tonight, telling farming conglomerates it’s time to bash their mutant chickens against the wall or whatever. The leaves are turning beautiful colors. (Not in New York. Our leaves fall in their greenest prime and die penniless in the gutter.) Supermarkets are selling mini pumpkins and decorative squashes and other things that demand immediate and vigorous shellacking. The replacement refs are gone and football is fun to watch again. The cool breeze wafting through my apartment has me fully engorged. I’m gonna run a train on some popcorn in like 200 minutes. Dear god, I love this month.

So, kind of a big year for me. I had a baby, which makes me unnaturally happy. (Right, obviously my wife had the baby. But I supplied the sperm. And ice chips! Don’t forget the ice chips. Our contributions were pretty much even.)

Writing  this blog, even just one month out of twelve, has always been a time crunch. Work is demanding and weekends are invariably sucked up by household chores, out-of-town weddings, showing my wife I still know who she is, etc. Now we have a ridiculously adorable five-month-old who I cannot seem to get enough of. It’s entirely possible I will run out of time at some point this month and turn in some seriously half-assed work. LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

This time around, I’m honing the mission of the 31 Flavors. In past editions I opted to sit out the preceding year’s major releases when they hit theaters in order to save them for October. But that’s not doing anyone any favors. By the time I see the movie in question it’s so spoiled it has green fuzz on it. Plus by this point in the year, what I think about Cabin in the Woods is of absolutely no value to almost everyone in the world. (Hi, mom!)

This year I’m only doing major releases if I can catch them in the theater, on opening night. Lucky for me, there are a bunch of awesome movies hitting the multiplex this month. There’s also another installment of Paranormal Activity, which is, you know, yay.  (I looked into the future and read my review. SPOILER ALERT: the movie will be frequently scary and nauseating unnecessary. Because, money.)

The majority of the menu, however, will be genre fare the layperson might not have heard of. Hardcore horror fans will know all of these, but I’ve realized this marathon movie chronicle isn’t for them. It’s my hope they would find what I have to say funny and insightful (and that they would ignore my rampant spelling and grammatical errors and want to be my friend) but those dudes don’t need any help finding scary entertainment to get into the spirit of the season. They need help meeting people and exfoliating. Kidding! But seriously, black t-shirts do not go with every outfit.

Tune in tomorrow afternoon when the first review goes up. Until then, stay safe, children. There are foul things about.

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