Archive for man-against-nature

Frogs (1972)

Posted in movies with tags on October 23, 2011 by adam

Yesterday I found myself in the mood for a good, old-fashioned mutated animal movie. Something along the lines of Them! or Eight Legged Freaks, where man’s abuse of the natural world results in monstrous consequences. The promotional images for Frogs had me thinking I was about to see some unfortunate amphibians eat toxic waste and turn into man-eating monsters. Sweet, right? Negative. Turns out it’s just a bunch of assholes beset by ordinary creepy-crawlies exacting nature’s revenge. (Incidentally, wouldn’t “Nature’s Revenge” be a great name for an organic laxative?) Continue reading

Piranha (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 11, 2011 by adam

Water is fucking terrifying. Swimming in the ocean, while statistically safe and regularly enjoyed by billions of people worldwide, is nevertheless unbelievably stupid. I don’t care if I’m more likely to be killed by a meteor strike, at least the meteor isn’t actively searching for something dumb enough and slow enough to make a good meal. We tell our kids to buckle up even though the likelihood of an accident is relatively low. But at the beach, parents think nothing of playing Russian roulette with their children’s lives. There’s only a small chance an orca will swim up and eat your kid’s face off, NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THAT. And every time some asshole surfer comes back minus an arm, everyone is shocked and sympathetic for the poor, unsuspecting victim. In what other situation is it acceptable for people to assume that kind of risk and not be universally admonished for bringing it on themselves? “Sure I let my kid play on the roof during an electrical storm. I mean, the odds of him getting hit were so small…just one those things, RIGHT?”

This lives in America. Have fun on that jet ski.

Swimming in a lake or a river is a lot safer, so maybe the characters in Piranha didn’t completely have it coming. But there are still fucking monsters in the dark waters of those big lakes and I’m pretty sure a ten foot alligator gar will bite your dick off just as well as a shark. You know how many people are torn apart by killer fish in swimming pools every year? ZERO.

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Frozen (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 18, 2010 by adam

As I sat shivering in my apartment, wrapped in blanket and straining to hear the telltale hiss of steam flowing through the radiator, I was reminded of a friend’s thoughts on one of the few drawbacks of October. It’s the month of the year when the weather gets cold enough that New York City apartments require heat, but it’s also the last month building owners can get away with not providing it.  But that’s not October’s fault, it’s my cheap ass landlord’s.

Given the climate, what better movie could I select than Frozen? I was pretty hard on director Adam Green for Hatchet II, so I thought it only fair to take a look at his stripped down suspense thriller and see what he could do when not focusing exclusively on ever more brutal ways to rend flesh on screen. The results were…chilling. See what I did there?

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