Archive for mystery

The Silent House (La Casa Muda) (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , , on October 16, 2012 by adam

My wife is awesome.

I love spooky movies filled with big, nasty scares and blood-chilling shocks, even though I literally tremble with dread every time I know one is coming. Startling us is one of the few ways external stimuli can reliably override our intellectual responses and force us to react in a certain way. Being scared is like being briefly in the power of a terrible magic, made pleasurable only because you know it will soon pass. I do everything I can to maximize the impact of scary movies. I always try to watch them alone, at night, and with the lights off. A drink or two doesn’t hurt. Continue reading

Sinister (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 13, 2012 by adam

Trailer banned for egregious spoilage.

One day, I will open a movie theater of my own. It will be independently operated, unaffiliated with  any of the big chains. Gourmet popping corn will be available in flavors other than salt ‘n carcinogens. 3D will forbidden. Seats will be leather and spaced out so as to make it virtually impossible to kick the chair in front of you. And once a year, at the opening of a high profile popcorn movie, I will plant a couple of interns (upon the toil of thousands of which I shall forge my empire) and have them jabber through the previews and into the first minute of the movie. My impotent ushers will make a big show of shushing them and telling them this is their final warning. The plants will not heed this warning. They will throw things at the usher and break out their cell phones to make calls and take flash pictures. They will howl with glee, drunk on their power to cause mayhem with impunity.

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Resurrect Dead: The Mystery of the Toynbee Tiles (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 11, 2012 by adam

My kid was sick today, which is just horrible. But the coughing, the sleepless nights, and the inconsolable crying are far from the worst part. While heartbreaking (and gross), your kid will get over the physical symptoms in a few days and a cold is nothing compared to the awful shit she’ll get into as she perfects the ability to harm herself. No, the worst part of having a sick kid is hiding it from daycare. For those that don’t have kids (Smart!) lemme ‘splain: if you can’t afford a hot Scandinavian au pair, you send your kid to daycare where she gets to spend nine hours rolling around on the floor right where ten parents just wiped the sidewalk filth off their shoes. This is a privilege you will pay many, many thousands of dollars for so you can go to work all day, before coming come to spend two precious hours reminding your offspring you still exist.

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