Archive for psychological

Lovely Molly (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 30, 2012 by adam

As I write this it’s Monday evening and the remnants of Hurricane Sandy are battering the five boroughs. It’s certainly a serious storm but the LIBERAL MEDIA has been promoting it like it’s the End of Days. TV weathermen are such hypocrites. They stand there all dignified and serious, describing gale-force winds and urging viewers not to go outside. They act like delivering this kind of information is the worst part of their job, like those World War II messengers who drove around bringing death-o-grams to devastated widows and orphans. They didn’t make this awful weather, they seem to say, but someone has to report it.

Sure, weathermen don’t create storms, but they absolutely wish they could. If weathermen controlled the weather, we’d all be building arks. They want this shit to happen. It makes their jobs exciting and important. Meteorologists see three low pressures systems merging and they don’t think about the impending loss of life. They’re too busy nursing raging boners over finally getting to use their typhoon warning graphics. If anchormen approached the news with the same salivating ecstasy weathermen display when upgrading a cyclone to category four, Brian Williams would be the most notorious serial killer in history.

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Thirst (Bakjwi) (2009)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 28, 2012 by adam

It’s like foreign film week around here, eh? I might even add one more before I’m done. INSANITY. Today’s entry is Thirst, the second 2012 Flavor from Korea. It comes from writer-director Park Chan-wook, otherwise known as the only South Korean other than PSY anyone has ever heard of. You have my word as a gentleman I will not make any “Gangnam Style” jokes. Mainly because I wouldn’t have any idea how to go about doing that, aside from saying Gangnam Style over and over.

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The Barrens (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 26, 2012 by adam

My personal level of zealotry on this issue is still evolving, but of this much I am sure: only lazy critics reveal plot spoilers and only people who don’t give a shit about the quality of their entertainment read them. I’m not even talking about big twists and surprises. I would argue it’s out of bounds to give away any details that (A) aren’t immediately obvious and (B) are intended to be dramatic when revealed. It is not the reviewers place to determine which secrets are worth keeping.

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I Saw the Devil (Akmareul boatda) (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , , , on October 25, 2012 by adam

So this movie is from Korea (the good one) and during the lovely opening title sequence I noticed that every name was made up of three monosyllabic parts: Min-sik Choi, Ho-jin Cheon, Gook-hwan Jeon, etc. That last one seems a little racist but okay. Continue reading

Excision (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 22, 2012 by adam

I spent most of my youth pretty far outside the mainstream but I was by no means the strangest kid I knew. I was into theatre and I played a lot of Magic: The Gathering but I was still fairly grounded in reality.

In high school I was in a production of Fiddler on the Roof (presumably aimed at the huge Jewish demographic in my 99% Christian town) and one of my fellow cast members got it in his head that I was somehow making fun of him. I probably was, but at 5′ 4” and 110 pounds I’m pretty sure I wasn’t much of a bully. This guy was seriously into acting so maybe by landing the key role of Rabbi’s Son #1 I was encroaching on his territory. His natural response, I later learned, was to wait for me to come off stage after my big, four bar solo WITH A LEAD PIPE IN HIS HAND. He never went through with it (possibly he opted to kill Ms. Scarlet with the candlestick instead) but the lesson here is clear: do not fuck with the weird kids.

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Take Shelter (2011)

Posted in movies with tags on October 17, 2012 by adam

Why do we not take more pride in climate change? Humanity should brag about that shit. Our power is so great, we can override enormously complex worldwide weather systems because we feel like it. Do you realize how much natural inertia you have to overcome to affect a mass that big? It’s like pantsing Unicron. Humans RULE. Continue reading

The Silent House (La Casa Muda) (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , , on October 16, 2012 by adam

My wife is awesome.

I love spooky movies filled with big, nasty scares and blood-chilling shocks, even though I literally tremble with dread every time I know one is coming. Startling us is one of the few ways external stimuli can reliably override our intellectual responses and force us to react in a certain way. Being scared is like being briefly in the power of a terrible magic, made pleasurable only because you know it will soon pass. I do everything I can to maximize the impact of scary movies. I always try to watch them alone, at night, and with the lights off. A drink or two doesn’t hurt. Continue reading

Kill List (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 10, 2012 by adam

Any three-day weekend is just about the greatest thing in the world, but I think we can all agree having Friday off > having Monday off. That free Friday sneaks up on you like a wrinkled five dollar bill in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn in a while. But when you get Monday off, the remaining four days somehow expand. It’s like the act of extending the weekend past its natural conclusion slows the rotation of the Earth, so that 72 hours after you first get back to work it’s still only Wednesday morning.

Why are national holidays bunched up so some parts of the year (looking at you November/December) get a disproportionate share, while months like August get none? I used to believe we as a nation were saving those months for future holiday-worthy events. But I’ve been around for a spell and we haven’t declared any new ones in quite some time. Martin Luther King Day is the most recently added national holiday and a lot of employees don’t even get the day off. (Did you know MLK Day wasn’t recognized by all 50 states until 2000? South Carolina holds its racism dear.) In the 30 years since congress voted yay for MLK, the most holiday-worthy event was 9/11. And that will never be a holiday because it’s too close to Labor Day. Terrorists are fucking diabolical.

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YellowBrickRoad (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 9, 2012 by adam

Have you noticed every successive technological leap forward is accompanied by a matching reduction in reliability? My parents won a cheap color TV in a church raffle in 1983. It was still 100% functional when they yard sold it 25 years later. I bought a 40” flatscreen LCD in 2006. The thing cost a small fortune but it looked fucking sweet hanging on the wall. Approximately eleven seconds after the two-year warranty expired, it developed a persistent shadowy smear on the right hand side of the screen. When I called tech support the guy said, “Yep, that’ll happen.” Fucker. Can someone please explain to me how every piece of technology in the world costs less to replace than to repair? How did they build the damn thing in the first place? Are they selling new ones at a loss? Is there a secret government subsidy program for consumer electronics? I MUST KNOW THIS.

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Good Neighbors (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 25, 2011 by adam

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about murdering my neighbors. Seriously, I can’t tell you because then if I do it, I’ll get caught. I mean, what?

If you’ve never lived in an apartment as an adult (college doesn’t count) you likely haven’t experienced the full joys of trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour while sharing a wall with someone who keeps precisely the opposite schedule as you. You may have missed out on the pleasure of paper-thin floors prompting your downstairs neighbor to climb up on his couch and bang on the ceiling whenever your ordinary footsteps become just too much for him to bear. And you’ve probably never had the pleasure of pressing yourself against a wall to shimmy past an old mattress in the hallway, thinking, “Bedbugs!” I hate other people. I want to live on the moon.

But maybe I should relocate to the picturesque Notre-Dame-de-Grâce neighborhood in Montreal. It sports a hip, young demographic and beautiful pre-war architecture, and it’s the birthplace of William Shatner! Also it’s a medical fact that Canadians are 27% less irritating than Americans.

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