Archive for serial killer

I Saw the Devil (Akmareul boatda) (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , , , on October 25, 2012 by adam

So this movie is from Korea (the good one) and during the lovely opening title sequence I noticed that every name was made up of three monosyllabic parts: Min-sik Choi, Ho-jin Cheon, Gook-hwan Jeon, etc. That last one seems a little racist but okay. Continue reading

Munger Road (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 21, 2012 by adam

This year I’ve been too busy to watch much football, which has severely damaged my fantasy football performance. I play in three or four leagues every year and I usually finish near the top of all of them. Right now I’m 3-3 in all my leagues, and really I shouldn’t even be doing that well. Not watching my customary fifteen hours of football a week leaves me completely clueless about who to start or pick up on waivers. Example: the two weeks I benched Chris Johnson, he rushed for 230 yards. The other four weeks I started him he totaled 70. Also, I drafted Chris Johnson. Continue reading

Some Guy Who Kills People (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 19, 2012 by adam

Between the blog and work and getting the munchkin to the Petri dish that is daycare, it appears I’m getting a little forgetful. The other day I went to the library and accidentally checked out a book I’d already read. I didn’t notice until I started reading it on the train to work. To make matters worse, my phone battery was completely dead because I left my only charger at work. (Fucking non-backwards compatible iPhone 5 plug. What the shit.)

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Sinister (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 13, 2012 by adam

Trailer banned for egregious spoilage.

One day, I will open a movie theater of my own. It will be independently operated, unaffiliated with  any of the big chains. Gourmet popping corn will be available in flavors other than salt ‘n carcinogens. 3D will forbidden. Seats will be leather and spaced out so as to make it virtually impossible to kick the chair in front of you. And once a year, at the opening of a high profile popcorn movie, I will plant a couple of interns (upon the toil of thousands of which I shall forge my empire) and have them jabber through the previews and into the first minute of the movie. My impotent ushers will make a big show of shushing them and telling them this is their final warning. The plants will not heed this warning. They will throw things at the usher and break out their cell phones to make calls and take flash pictures. They will howl with glee, drunk on their power to cause mayhem with impunity.

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V/H/S (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , , , , , , , on October 5, 2012 by adam

The horror anthology, it seems, is back. If you haven’t heard of V/H/S yet, you will soon. It’s opening in select cities today but it’s been bouncing around the festival circuit to universal raves all year. I suspect its biggest success will come when it hits DVD in a month or two. If you do happen to catch it in the theater though, you’ll be treated to a preview for the next buzzworthy indie horror anthology, a gimmicky compilation called The ABCs of Death, which will be comprised of no less than 26 creepy shorts, one for each letter of the alphabet. There will be a quiz after.

There are anthology films in other genres – Four Rooms is a relatively recent example and there are many more to be found with a quick search – but horror is by far the most common. Maybe that’s because horror lends itself to bite size samples more readily than, say, historical epics or romantic comedies. Or maybe it’s because those same bite size samples in any other genre are packaged as Short Films, to be curated rather than collected. Movies are best enjoyed as exhibits in seven-hour lectures on remodernism, amiright? I would not have done well in film school.

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ATM (2012)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 4, 2012 by adam

You know what drives me absolutely bonkers? When I pop in a DVD and before it even gets to the title menu I’m presented with a choice between the theatrical version and the director’s cut. Making a selection sends you down one of two distinct paths from which there is no way back without ejecting the disc and starting over. And some newer players remember your choice, refusing to let you change your mind even after reinserting the DVD. People, if you’re wondering when we’ll see the first salvo in the robot apocalypse, look no further than spiteful A/V components with elephant memories.

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Frontiers (2007)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 27, 2011 by adam

What exactly is the problem with polygamy? Obviously coercing young girls into being the seventh wife of a syphilitic octogenarian cult leader is a bad thing and anybody who does that should have Africanized bees injected into their scrotums. Coercing people into doing anything is bad. But three or more adults, voluntarily entering into a committed, multi-partner relationship? That’s like a Venn diagram of love and math is never wrong.

I always enjoyed that aspect of Big Love, the justification for having more than two parents in a family. Not the one involving Joseph Smith’s magic glasses and God telling Mormons that a man rules his family and should own a harem of baby machines to praise his name. That is fucking insane. Continue reading

Good Neighbors (2010)

Posted in movies with tags , , on October 25, 2011 by adam

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fantasized about murdering my neighbors. Seriously, I can’t tell you because then if I do it, I’ll get caught. I mean, what?

If you’ve never lived in an apartment as an adult (college doesn’t count) you likely haven’t experienced the full joys of trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour while sharing a wall with someone who keeps precisely the opposite schedule as you. You may have missed out on the pleasure of paper-thin floors prompting your downstairs neighbor to climb up on his couch and bang on the ceiling whenever your ordinary footsteps become just too much for him to bear. And you’ve probably never had the pleasure of pressing yourself against a wall to shimmy past an old mattress in the hallway, thinking, “Bedbugs!” I hate other people. I want to live on the moon.

But maybe I should relocate to the picturesque Notre-Dame-de-Grâce neighborhood in Montreal. It sports a hip, young demographic and beautiful pre-war architecture, and it’s the birthplace of William Shatner! Also it’s a medical fact that Canadians are 27% less irritating than Americans.

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Frailty (2001)

Posted in movies with tags , on October 12, 2011 by adam

How many FBI recruits sign up with dreams of crossing names off the most wanted list, only to get stuck endlessly sifting through diplomatic junk mail? There’s an incredible volume of serial killers in movies, and just as many glamorous special agents chasing after them. You’d think the FBI would do something to discourage people from imagining a badge as a ticket to jet around the country and put holes in the Hannibal Lecters of the world. You don’t see NASA tacitly endorsing the idea that any schlub who can operate construction equipment is qualified to fly into space to blow up asteroids. So why don’t the feds make an effort to disabuse people of the notion that one in five Americans is stashing bodies in the basement? Because nobody would willingly sign up to work shitty hours for terrible pay if they knew they’d most likely be spending twelve miserable hours a day in a windowless cubicle, categorizing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s e-cards. Someone needs to make a movie about a disillusioned FBI data analyst who becomes a serial killer just to get a little job satisfaction.

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The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (2011)

Posted in movies with tags , , , on October 8, 2011 by adam

As promised, last night I trekked down to the awesome IFC Center for the midnight premiere of The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence). I like to get to the theater early to secure a prime seat, so imagine my surprise when I arrived to find at least a hundred people already standing in line. More shocking, at least half of the sold-out audience was women, many of whom appeared to be rabid fans of the first film. I don’t mean to project any gender biases here but I think we can all agree that was a little unexpected.

Before the show, the theater staff handed out barf bags and stain remover, which everyone found pretty cute. Then some clown from indieWIRE got on the mic for a lengthy introduction, complete with a horror trivia game. Even though they were giving out sweet t-shirts (“HC2: The Deuce is Loose”), by the time the Human Centipede 3 pitch contest was done – winner: The Human Centipede (Fibonacci Sequence) – we were all getting antsy. When offered another game and more free stuff, the unanimous response was something along the lines of, “Get off the stage, asshole!”

With my pulse slightly elevated and my last meal safely digested, the lights finally went down and the movie began. After seeing the first one I was well prepared for what was to come, and it helped to have a crowd of people around. Still, what does it say about me that two hours later I was in bed, sleeping peacefully, without so much as a troubled dream?

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